Jesus! A supreme example of power and majesty, Jesus contains more beard power per square inch than any other diety. Did Buddah have a beard? No. Did Vishnu have a beard? No. Did Mohammed have a beard? Well maybe, but we can't find any pictures of him -- probably because he was embarassed by his lack of a beard. Show us one picture of Mohammed with a beard and we'll bow down and convert to Islam. Only Jesus has enough cosmic power to rock the beard. And only Jesus is strong enough to destroy the very 2x4 to which he is nailed.
Why wouldn't the son of god be ripped? And for that, we raise our razors to
you, Jesus!
August
The Half-Beard
Half-man,
half-hero, as the wearer of the Half-Beard, you display the full extent of your manliness while keeping things manageable. If you were to take two different profile headshots, you'd look like a high school math teacher in one and a substitute high school math teacher in the
other! But a straightforward portrait reveals that you're just absolutely crazy. If you were famous, you could start a trend with a beard like this. Unfortunately, you spend all of your time thinking of devilishly clever facial hair rather than being a productive member of society. However, your beard research will one day lead to the legitimacy of the field of Beardology. And for that, we raise our razors to you!
July
Iron & Wine
Soft, sweet melodies and simple, but evocative guitar playing have never been more manly. Sam Beam, your thick, full Beard is the inspiration of every acoustic Indie hipster fucktard across the world. Bristling your bushy Beard against
your microphone is surely your technique for producing that intimate, lo-fi scratch and
those soft, muffled vocals. Your slide guitar is razor sharp, keeping you neatly trimmed, yet still maintaining just the right amount of bush. Sam Beam, you're not
afraid to be a true wearer of the Indie Beard, a Beard which has undergone much
criticism... Even from us. And for that, we raise our razors to you!
June
Hillbilly Beard
Proprietor
of the Hillbilly Beard, you are a piece of work. Your ancient Beard establishes your status as the local drunkard, surpassing the other hillbillies by many years. You can never kiss your wife without giving her a mouthful of your old, disgusting
tobacco spit that never quite escaped the clutches of your facial hair
and has permanently altered its color. Despite your obviously flawed appearance, you stick by your guns: the
Beard stays. And for that, we raise our razors to you!
May
Grizzly
Adams
One of the most beloved
Beards of the 70's and 80's, Grizzly Adams reached out and drew in audiences from across America.
And just like the wilderness of Utah where he called his home, Grizzly
Adams' Beard was wild and untamed. It held a certain rustic charm, reminiscent of Grizzly Adams' own best friend, Ben the bear.
Grizzly Adams, portrayed honestly and lovingly by actor Dan Haggerty, will forever be cemented in the minds of
Beardologists as a man who damn well knew the potential of a full Beard! And for that, we raise our razors to you!
April
Flaming
Beard
What
can be said of a man with facial hair in the shape of fire? Simply that
he's got one of the most Beardtastic Beards we've ever seen. Many people
mod their cars, motorcycles, or computers with flame decals. But how
many people mod their faces? Only a brave few. And for that, we raise
our razors to you!
March
Honest Abe
A
proud Beard wearer, Abe Lincoln freed the slaves and guided the United
States through one of its darkest hours; the Civil War. Many people
thought it was the support of his loving wife Mary Todd that helped him
through such tough times. They were wrong. The real support came from
the might of his Beard. Many modern Beardologists believe that a man of
weaker facial hair might have shrugged with the weight of America on his
shoulders. Not ol' Honest Abe. And for that, we raise our razors to you!
